are you a perfectionist ?
sure i have some perfectionist tendencies, but i prefer seeing it as striving for progression rather than perfection. i’ll never be perfect, no matter how hard i try. i’m not a machine, i’m a natural being. and nature – in all its beauty – is never perfect.
that doesn’t mean i shouldn’t go looking for improvements. i want a life full of giving-a-damn. of trying to learn more, of caring about details. a life full of value to me. not in an stressful, anal way. in a pleasureful, more relaxed way.
i’m also not about improving at everything all at once. some things i let slide for now, to not bite off more than i can chew. for example, having a beautiful, organised home is important to me, but difficult when i don’t actually have a home to organise. so that one has to sit tight for a bit.
i want to have a weekly workout schedule that feels realistic and at the same time proper strengthening. can’t find the time for that right now, so will get back to that one a little later.
calming down, a stable income, a structured life, getting to know berlin more, living in taipei and tokyo for a bit, writing my novel, living more sustainably, making tofu misozuke for the first time … all good things. important to me. but not on today’s agenda.
instead, i prioritise like a pro and choose a couple of things to focus all my energy on. when i’m at a level i’m happy with, i’ll address another part of my life.
this used to stress me out big time – ignoring some improvement-needing aspects of my life in favour of others. now i feel kind of good doing it. this way makes for a less fragmented life. less perfect too. but more fun and clear. easier to handle.
so here’s what i’m trying to do. i bring all the aspects of life that are important to me up to a certain level. a level where i’m ok with where i’m at. not necessarily happy, but ok. then i choose a few high-priority aspects and get to work. for me right now – the most important aspects are my career and having time for fun. everything else will have to wait.
i’m learning not to care about being good at everything at once. it’s a freeing feeling, being ok with my imperfections. i’m not the most ethical, educated, zen, athletic, minimalistic, well-dressed person out there. nor do i strive to be. i’m good with putting a ‘kind of’ instead of a ‘most’ in front of all those adjectives.
however, the internet is a harsh place sometimes, weird and wondrous as it might be. it often eggs us on in the pursuit of perfection. no cellulites or bad habits allowed. i have to deal with the internet’s expectations of me – of all of us – and remember that i’m just a person. confused and without a clue as persons tend to be.
so if you’re looking for perfection, you’ve come to the wrong place.
i’m a work in progress. and proudly so.
love // jenny
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