i’m used to this by now – never really feeling at home. i’ve been moving quite often my whole life, making me keep in mind that there will always be a new place. a new move. a new city. new people.
i understand that this must seem strange and maybe even unhealthy to a lot of people. that having a place that feels like home is a universally vital priority for your happiness.
what about berlin, i get asked. isn’t berlin good enough to be called home ?
berlin is brilliant. it’s an amazing place that i would be proud to call my home. but i don’t.
the reason for this simply being that i know myself. i know that i won’t stay in berlin my whole life. i won’t invest enough in the place to learn the language, memorise the street names, or claim the city as my own. because there are too many places out there. a whole world to discover and i just couldn’t settle with ‘good enough’.
let’s be honest. i don’t think there is a single city out there wonderful enough to be called my permanent home. i might be wrong and if so i’d be the first to happily admit my mistake. but i don’t think a city will ever be home to me.
i do have a home though. a place where i feel totally at ease and i never get bored with. somewhere i don’t feel the need to move on or escape from. a place so good to me that i’m willing to invest in it. a place called the internet.
there are people in my life that i’ve known a long time. before this career of mine or this urge to stay online. people who tell me how nice it is to meet irl, to hang out with the ‘real’ jenny. i never know what to say to this. because that jenny, the jenny they knew before i became a content creator, she doesn’t exist anymore. the online jenny is more real than the person they’re thinking of ever was.
because online, i belong. i’ve always been something of an outsider. and online i still am. i look weird and choose an alternative lifestyle and whatever. but online, unlike ‘real’ life, i have a community of a quarter million people who are outsiders with me. who understand and encourage me. who are happy outsiders together with me. and i’ve never felt so accepted and true to myself.
the online jenny is the real jenny. and that’s all i could ask for in a home – to feel comfortable enough to express who i really am.
so no matter if i’m in my apartment in berlin or, like now, in a sunny apartment overlooking koreatown and hollywood – it makes little difference.
because as long as i have wifi, i’m home.
love // jenny
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i’m wearing :
cheap monday sunnies* and shirt*
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