whenever you express a fascination for style or a will to look good or to have a beautiful home, you get the same type of criticism – that you’re being shallow, superficial, caring about unnecessary flamboyances in a world full of problems, over-materialistic consumerism, poverty, and real issues.
i get that. it’s a valid critique. it’s a discussion worth having. i should know that i’m privileged enough to be able to care about flamboyances in a world so filled to the brim with people without that luxury.
question is this, should i stop enjoying the luxuries my privileged life brings me in solidarity with everyone out there who is having a hard time ?
i used to think so. i used to feel so bad about all the wrongs in this world that i couldn’t enjoy the rights. the beauty. the loveliness. the shallow superficialities that make life pleasant.
it made me miserable. it made me feel guilty about how lucky i was. the misery and guilt i experienced though – did it make life better for anyone else ?
i’ve changed my mind. i now think that not enjoying the good things that come my way would be an inexcusable ungratefulness. i know this makes sense to me – whenever i’ve myself been through a rough patch, i get so confused by people who have succeeded in reaching their goals, but are unable to enjoy it out of fear of seeming stuck up, or spoiled, or full of themselves. because what’s the point of working your ass off to make something out of yourself, if you’re then not allowing yourself to enjoy it ?
i want to be grateful. i want to be humble. i want to do my bit to make this world a better place. but i also want to experience it all – devour as much of this life as i possibly can. i want to dress in beautiful things and taste all the gorgeous flavours the world has to offer. i want to dance with the most beautiful man alive, who i have the luxury to call my own. i want to carefully put on makeup and make my bed with soft linens. put flowers in my windows and toast to the beauty i see.
i want to walk down the street feeling like a stunning creature. and i want to nod my head in recognition to all of you other stunning creatures out there. to you who make an effort. to you who give a damn. to all of you who are grateful. who appreciate. and who wants to experience it all.
this might be shallow. it probably is.
i might be shallow. i probably am.
but you know what ? i’m ok with it.
love // jenny
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