MINIMALISM : why i don’t want kids

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ok it’s time to make this video. it seems to be one of the things that you guys are most curious about regarding my lifestyle – whether i want kids or not.

the short answer is no.

in this video i will give a longer answer than ‘no’ – and i will also tell you why children are not for me.
i hope this clears things out !

a little disclaimer – like i say in the video, this is a very personal opinion about my own life. i don’t in anyway think it’s wrong or bad to want to have kids, i’m just talking about why it’s not for me. so if you have kids or want them, you have my full support and encouragement of course ^.^
( but for the sake of the planet, maybe not have a million of them ok ? )

as i’m talking about in the video – i think it’s important to talk about the pressure a lot of women get from the society, that we should want to have kids and be all motherly. that we’re not complete somehow until we are mothers. how fucked up is that ?

also, i wonder how you guys are experiencing this, have any of you ever felt pressure to become dads ?

love // jenny

___
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27 Comments

  1. Up front and personal ..
    As a woman of 63yrs of age, I understand where you are coming from. I believe you represent a generation that is breaking down the traditional codes and mores of the family way, the gender boundaries and the roles of individuals in society.

    • toookiemctook

      I never really took the critics and other kind of remarks seriously until I got into a serious relationship. I do not want kids, however the people surrounding me do want me to have kids. Although this has only been expressed semi-jokingly. As in taken for granted that tin due time ‘I will wake up wanting to reproduce’. And of course the comments that I will change my mind eventually. But, this logic seems strange to me. I am forced to overthink this into extremes, but shouldn’t it be the other way around? Thoroughly thinking trough why one wants kids? When one says that they want kids, no one questions, but when one states that he/she won’t, one has to explain oneself. Either way, thank you for the video, and the support.

  2. Nu kör jag det här på svenska, hoppas det är OK :)

    GUD vad intressant och kul att du la upp det här just idag! Vi hade en liten mini-reunion med klassen hemma hos Marie igår och satt och kollade igenom klasslistan och catchade up med vad alla gör nu. En hel del har ju skaffat barn sen examen men vi var/är ju många från vår klass som faktiskt inte vill ha barn. Jag har snarare blivit förvånad över vissa som skaffat barn, både från klassen och i min övriga vänskapskrets… Och som lärare träffar jag ju SÅ många barn som inte borde fötts med tanke på hur de blivit behandlade av sina föräldrar. Väldigt många borde inte ha barn… Nånsin.
    Jag säger inte att jag skulle hata mina barn om jag fick några, eller att jag hatar alla barn. Men när jag var liten var det roligare att leka bondgård än familj, och jag får inte ont i hjärtat då ett barn gråter utan snarare ont i huvudet…

    Och I hear you sis! God damned vad trött och fed up man är på alla kommentarer. Och då ska vi inte prata om de kommentarer mina föräldrar och min sambo får (jag har ju haft turen att träffa en karl som har barn sen tidigare och inte vill ha fler, så vi är en perfect match). Man kommer ångra sig, det kommer senare, man går emot evolutionen (Hello say what?), det är onaturligt, du har bara inte träffat den rätta blablablablabla… Suck. Och jag är ju egoistisk också. Ska inte mina föräldrar få barnbarn? No pressure!

    Tack för att du lyfter ämnet <3

    • jennymustard

      men åh tack för att du delar med dig !!
      ja absolut, känns som att det är vanligare och vanligare att folk väljer bort barn – det är inte lika ‘för givet’ att alla ska ha stora familjer längre :)
      hoppas ni hade superkul igår förresten ! :D
      <3

  3. hey jenny!
    thanks for that video! how beautiful, by the way, that david and you have found each other.
    i, for sure, want kids further down the road, but i totally agree with you on the point that everyone should make his or her own choices and not being pushed somewhere by society! and it should be okay for anyone, yes, even for women, to talk about kids like you do. there’s nothing hatable about that! actually, i’m not a fan of kids myself, i wish they came out talking and walking and everything, haha! but i guess for me, that they don’t is a fact i can live with. i just love the thought of having tha kind of traditional family and try to give all the love and fun my parents gave me to someone else.. does this make any sense? i don’t know.
    spread love and freedom! :)
    kisses

  4. Detta är så ot men är du BARA 31? Jag trodde du var betydligt mycket yngre….

    Men jag älskar hur du lägger fram att du inte vill ha barn. Det är ändå rätt jobbigt.. Och dyrt med barn.

  5. I have 3 kids, and I love them to death. Always wanted to have kids. I totally support you. There is nothing more selfish than having kids, you don’t really wan’t. I see parents my age (36) who are so busy with their own life, and don’t spend enough time with their kids.
    Having kids means changing your life from the day the pregnancy test is positive – and if you love the way you live.. well.. So thumbs up for you.

  6. Kathy Sakellar

    I love your postings! It earns respect from me that you are self aware and living your life intentionally. It is so refreshing to see you have an understanding of why you make the choices you do. Thank you for your inspiring posts. I know of several women in my family and friends who chose not to have children. They have lived happy, fulfilling and blessed lives. I have 2 children. God made us all different and I am happy you are strong. You are inspiring more women worldwide than you may ever know! Keep posting!!

  7. Someone like me!! Yay!! I will be 30 this year and I never wanted kids in my life so far. I share all the points that you mentionned (I am not a minimalistic but I don’t want to change my decoration or adapt myself because the pointy angles of my table may pierce a baby eye… I am joking but that is the idea); I am still astonished how people are open-minded on gay relationship (and thanks god) but someone refuse the idea of a woman not bearing children or refusing to have some. I like my freedom. And I am fed up of people telling me “oh you will see when you will meet the right guy”, “never say never”… My body, my rules!!

  8. Completely with you on the freedom of choice! Funny how men are never reduced to being fathers, but a woman who doesn’t want kids is almost regarded as an abomination by some.

    I for one did want kids, but my life just didn’t turn out that way. And you know what? I’m sure it was for the better. Looking back, I wouldn’t want to change a thing. I’ve always had children and teenagers in my life that I was close to, and I appreciate them very much, but in hindsight I’m glad I didn’t have any of my own. My life rocks – there’s nothing missing :-)

  9. It is ridiculous that society imposes motherhood on women. It is simply sexism at work. I absolutely love kids and have very close relationships with several special ones though I never wanted or had my own. Thanks for boldly proclaiming your freedom to live as you please and not as society dictates. You are an inspiration to many!!

  10. THANK U!!! i’m turning 30 next month and *still* have absolutely no desire or plan to have children. it is very rude to hear “oh you’re still young” “you’ll change your mind” etc etc. i couldn’t be happier with my cats and my boyfriend and one day our child will be a cute dog that we adopt.

    <3

  11. Tack Jenny att du tar upp det här!! Det känns så himla tröttsamt att man ens ska få dessa frågor – men så ser det ju faktiskt ut. Män behöver inte alls hålla på och förklara sig på samma sätt – de lämnas bara ifred. Jag tycker att det är så absurt hur den kvinnliga rollen centreras kring att skaffa barn i vår kultur. Först ska du ägna din första fjärdedel av livet åt att locka till dig en man, sen när du har låst fast honom och lyckats bli gravid och fött ut ett barn är du förbrukad. För visst är det inte personer med hängiga bröst och bristningar vi ser på tidningsomslagen?

    Jag har själv inte helt bestämt mig för om jag vill försöka få barn, men just nu pekar allt åt ett nej. Mina skäl (inser att jag nog också ska blogga om detta):
    1. Barn mellan 1-4 och 13-18 år tycker jag verkar skitjobbigt och tråkigt att ha. I åldern 5-12 kan de vara ganska roliga, men jag är starkt tveksam till om jag ändå vill viga alla dygnets timmar åt att vara förälder. För det är inte precis något man kan ta semester från.
    2. Som du säger, det finns ingen brist på människor på jorden.
    3. Jag har 0 % lust att skaffa barn med min kropp som insats. 50 % av alla kvinnor drabbas av förlossningsskador. Min mamma var en hårsmån från att dö. Visst, det är såklart inte vanligt – men en graviditet kommer med risker. Och oavsett om det går “bra” så måste jag ändå leva renlevnadsliv i 9 månader och jag måste acceptera att min kropp för evigt kommer att bli förändrad.
    4. Jag är en person som naturligt sätter mina egna behov åt sidan i för stor utsträckning. Jag är rädd att jag skulle utplåna mig själv som förälder. För om jag bestämmer mig för att försöka bli mamma – då vill jag ändå göra det fullt ut. Jag vill endast sätta ett barn till världen som kan få min fulla uppmärksamhet, närhet och kärlek. Och det kräver extremt mycket = en fet kvinnofälla.
    5. Jag ser så sjuuukt mycket fram emot att vara en DINK (double income no kids) med min kille. Vi har redan ett väldig härligt liv nu, men när jag börjar dra in en riktig lön kommer vi ha helt andra möjligheter till att se och uppleva världen.
    6. Sist men inte minst: villkoren för att ha barn är helt enkelt för dåliga. Du får mindre tid, mindre pengar och du utsätter din kropp för en massa risker.

  12. It felt soooo good to watch this video. I never felt the urge to have kids, I’ve never seen myself as a mother and the idea of motherhood never felt appealing to me. I enjoy my life and I enjoy my freedom. I’ve been very upfront with the fact that I don’t want kids, ever, and have taken so much shit through my twenties (I’m 28), people think I’m selfish, that I hate children, and of course the huge mass of especially women who say “oh just wait” with a patronizing look on their face. Don’t understand the big deal, I don’t want kids, I am happy, I have meaningful relationships with other grown ups, I have hobbies, I have a nice job, I love to do whatever I want when I want, I am not hurting anyone, what’s the problem? Thank you for talking about this, wanting a child free life is still very taboo and frown upon.

  13. Some days I think I want children but then I question if that’s because of all the pressure put on women to become mothers or if it’s because that is what I truly want in my life. I love my lifestyle as well. I’m big on travel. I work in the creative industries. I like a calm, peaceful home and I just don’t know if kids fit into that. I’m 25 year-old and when I think about having kids in the next 5-10 years I feel like that’s way too soon. If I think about having children later it seems like I’ll be too old (perhaps I am ageist). My partner, however, seems fairly certain that they do want children. I’m not sure if this is something I can give them or not. I haven’t decided yet. One thing I do know for sure is that I wish people didn’t make so many comments about it or tell women what their bodies need or want to be fulfilled. It confuses me and makes me feel like I’m not control. I’m so sick of the biological clock commentary. It’s a decision between me and my partner. No one else. Thanks for posting this! It’s given me a lot to think about and I definitely feel your support.

  14. I loved this video an am a mother of two, but, while I love and wanted my own kids, I am not a fan of most other kids … I’m right there with you! Hahaha

  15. I think that while pregnancy can be a personal choice, we still have the duty, as members of humanity, to educate the next generation, pass on the knowledge and the good values. That is why I want to adopt some day – an older kid, between 3 and 6 years old, so that I can really make a difference in his/her life while avoiding all the non-stop crying and diaper duty ^^

  16. Very important this post Jenny, especially for women who do not follow the normal chronological order of things according to our society… I’m 35, I live in Spain. I don’t know if I have children, I don’t know if I am already old for that or not, besides my current lifestyle (which is not ideal for my) is impossible for reasons of time and money… I wish that some day can design my style of life as your and David… By now I am instructor Pilates method and the free time dedicated to my small passions: dance and fashion design. You can take a look at my brand http://www.limboclothes.com ;)
    Thank you for sharing your vision of the world. You really inspire a lot of people.

  17. Great post! I am a 39 year old female and from the age 5 I knew I didn’t want children. There have always been pressures from the society and constant questions from my dad but I stuck with it… I will not have any and that’s my choice to make. I admire your openness Jenny!

  18. I’m glad you were brave enough to say your thoughts. Noticed on the YouTube comments you got some backlash, but I think it’s better that you don’t have children if you don’t want them. Personally I do want one child and while I know pregnancy and such will be a bit, uh, tumultuous, I think I’d do well. My only worry is my family trying to shower me with excess gifts I’m not going to use. I’m interested in having a natural/green motherhood :) thank you for introducing me to the freedom of minimalism, by the way! I haven’t gotten there yet and I’m not sure I ever will but I’m shifting my mindset and dipping in my feet to this lifestyle by getting rid of stuff I’m not using and I’ve already felt more mentally sound. I’ll keep making progress!

  19. I admire you for your bravery. It’s one of the main reasons why I visit your blog and watch your videos (alongside your aesthetics of course). In a way you infect me with that courage to speak my mind and be myself. My town is full of judgmental people. They stare, they talk, and they even try to persuade you to their believes and the way you’re suppose to (in their opinion) perceive life and life matters. The question is why? It’s our life and we create and live it. We shouldn’t be afraid to do that. I personally don’t know yet if I want kids or not. I’m in your age, my relationship ended recently and I keep getting questions like ‘So, when are you planning to have kids?” and my response is always ‘Can I find love first and then think about children?’. It’s so inconsistent to ask that question. Anyway, I don’t feel my biological clock ticking, I don’t feel that urge, and I didn’t when I was in a serious long term relationship. Maybe I will feel it one day, but that’s only my business, right?

  20. Gosh i dont want to have kids too and i completely resonate with your reasons. There was also a time i told my boyfriend i dont want to have them because i dont want to contribute to adding another human who’ll consume more resources.

    ————-
    http://www.simply-vida.com

  21. Guten Tag Jenny Mustard you are one of my inspirations. I am assigned male at birth but identify as Non-Binary and I use they/them pronouns instead of he/him and she/her. I don’t want to have children, my Mum’s absolutely okay with it, but my Dad thinks I’ll one day change my mind but I know I never will. I can totally understand not wanting children. I’m minimalist too by the way since the beginning of last year. :)

  22. Hi Jenny! I am a mother of a one-year-old son and I love him to death (although becoming a mum was one of the most traumatizing experiences of my whole life!), but i TOTALLY understand and support your stance on parenthood – having kids you don’t want would be truly terrible. I agree with one of the commentators before me – why are men never frowned upon for not having or wanting to have kids and women are perceived simply as vessels to carry a new life? It sure may be a great adventure and vocation, but both sexes should be treated equally here. I congratulate you on having the guts to express your own opinion and ignoring what people may have to say about this. This is your life and ultimately all regrets will be yours to have if you do something against your own beliefs. I wish you and David a lifetime of bliss and happiness! Kisses from Poland xx

  23. I’m starting to be disgusted by this selfish millennial attitude of not reproducing so they could have more vacation time , consume more, while disregarding the responsibility for future generations they don’t care exist or not . Most developed countries are suffering from this. A plunging birth rate, aside from indicating the death of family, means a progressively dwindling Youth population supporting the growing elderly population through social welfare programs. All for the sake of having a few extra vacations, it’s profoundly selfish. Doing it for the planet is a scapegoat.

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