THE NEW KIND OF ROMANCE | column

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when i think about romance, i think of two kinds of relationships – the ‘opposites attract’ and the ‘kindred spirits’ relationships.

they are each other’s opposites. the first one is the classic, the one we get taught to aspire to as kids. centred around the passion and attraction that mystery causes. to be curious about, and drawn to, another being because of their dissimilarities to ourselves. it makes sense to be fascinated by our counterparts. and we can of course learn a lot by hanging out with our polar opposites. not to mention the biological logic behind falling in love with someone physically different from us, to have healthy happy genetically-mixed babies with.

my romance of choice is another though. i have for the last decade been in love with my kindred spirit. this type of relationship has probably been around for as long as the opposites attract one, but it seems to be going through a renaissance. in a society where feminism is becoming mainstream, and where equality slowly is starting to be valued higher than tradition, a new type of #relationshipgoals is natural.

for those of us who care very little about tradition and gender, and a lot more about self-realisation and freedom of societal demands, a romance is less about who opens the door for whom and who picks up the check on the date, and who puts whom on a pedestal. instead it’s more about being seen and heard and encouraged and wanted. for you. not for the typical properties of your gender.

i never want to be treated as the woman of the relationship. i want to be treated as jenny – an equal. and when i look at david i don’t want to see the man. i want see my soulmate. i want to see a person i’m passionately in love with, even after a decade of wearing and tearing and loving each other to bits. i couldn’t care less about his masculinity. after ten years together, what could that possibly have got to do with anything ? at all ?

when i look at david, i instead see my team mate. my coach. my manager and friend, my PT, my inspiration and my muse. i see someone who’s got my back. who makes me feel invincible and courageous. i see a capable, beautiful, fascinating human being that i can’t get enough of. but sometimes get completely fed up with.

we share one life. we have decided to do it this way – two people, one life. we create together, we have ideas together, we get on each other’s nerves, fight, and make up together. this is how i’m still passionately in love. because of what we can do together, what we have done together, and the promise of what we will do together.

and i know by now – after a turbulent decade of going after life hard – that whatever my next brilliant idea will be, he won’t ask why ?
he’ll ask why not ?

love // jenny

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17 Comments

  1. I love this post. Very true and beautiful words. You guys are awesome <3

  2. It is so inspiring and so truly beautiful. Thank you for the strength that you give to all of your followers.

  3. i love this so must !
    jenny, your words on romance, feminism and equality will always be warmly welcomed.

  4. Love this post Jenny!

    I’ve been with my boyfriend for 5 years now and I like to think we have that relationship as well.

    Two 100%’s coming together to be 200%. To support and grow and challenge each other.

  5. Gorgeous post Jenny…I wonder if you realise how fortunate you are to have this kind of relationship? I have looked for this for most of my adult life and despite several lovely relationships, I have sadly not yet found this. I am happy to wait for it as I am quite OK being single until I do meet someone who makes me feel exactly how you and David feel about each other,
    I aspire to match this wonderful , frustrating and hugely satisfying life you are both creating….thank you for sharing.

  6. I have been with my soul mate for 15 years this year (and I am only 32!) He is my best friend and to have someone like that in my life makes each day a gift! After 15 years my heart still flutters when he comes home from work or an appointment.

  7. June Lenert

    I have been married 35 years and I think you have absolutely nailed it. You have great insight here. Your description of your relationship is much the way I would describe my marriage. It has been, is now and will always be my choice to be with the one who knows me best and chooses each day to continue on this roller coaster of a life that we live….together!

  8. It’s so beautifully written. I admire your relationship. How you work together and how you approach each other. It’s just wonderful!

  9. It feels the more we let go of ideals the flood gates to what’s possible open wide.

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