yesterday, my laptop charger broke. no more computer for me.
so i’m writing this from david’s new laptop – with david trying to work from his mobile.

me being unable to use my computer was the culmination of an incredibly stressful week. ever since arriving in berlin last sunday, it’s been non-stop craziness.

don’t get me wrong, i’m happy to be here. and i knew that there would be a lot of work getting settled. it’s just one thing knowing about it, and another thing living it.

the way me and david usually handles problems is through fixing them straight away. instant stress relief.
but not all problems are as easily fixed as ordering a new laptop charger.

so what to do when you’re in a storm of chaos that you’ve built for yourself ? how not to go mad from uncertainty, fear, anxiety, and stress ?

i don’t know.

me and david have been talking about this on and off the whole day.
what do we need to feel safe, calm, and happy in the most unreliable circumstances.

one way is to not care. to have faith that things will work out and the stress will pass. to find the eye of the storm, watching everything around you spin in frenzy, while you’re just sitting there with your legs crossed, watching all that mayhem in wonder. and safety.
i like this approach, and i find it quite effective. but it only works if the both of you happen to be in that same frame of mind at the same time. stress is as contagious as laughter – if one has it, the other one will too.

which leads us to the second approach – to close yourself off.
find a routine that always calms you down. being alone. working out. watching a movie. something familiar and normal. listening to your favourite music. walking, drawing, dancing. for me, one way is moving my body in a way that stretches it. like yoga, pilates or dancing.

another way to calm myself down is to write. sitting down, just letting words pour. having a strong cup of tea next to me. calm music. being so focused that the world around me isn’t all that important anymore. you know that creative mode where you’re both strangely alert and relaxed at the same time.

whatever way you find to calm yourself down, hold on to it dearly. because remember one thing kiddos – the goal isn’t to avoid stress by creating the most secure and comforting life possible. the goal is to find security and comfort even when your world spins mad with excitement and uncertainty. to enter that eye of the storm with legs crossed and mind filled with wonder.

love // jenny

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